Threshold Moments: Before, During, and After

There are moments life when something quietly shifts. Nothing dramatic announces itself and no clear map is received, yet, something in us knows we are standing at a threshold.

I have sensed such an inner threshold emerging for some time now, not as rupture, but as invitation. An invitation to step forward without certainty of what lies on the other side. To walk through with curiosity, humility, and a willingness to be surprised. I do not yet know what the “after” will hold, but I recognize the feeling of being on the Way, and that feels faithful enough for now.

A Word of Gratitude

Before moving further, I want to offer a word of gratitude to Bernadette Roberts for the past year and a half of reflections. Her work has shaped me deeply. Her articulation of the interior journey gave language to my sense and experience of the journey even though I was unclear on how to articulate such a journey myself. Through her writing, I found confirmation for experiences that felt real but unnamed, intimate yet difficult to trust.

I do not experience this shift as abandoning Roberts or the truth of her work. Rather, I sense that I am carrying her insights forward in a different register, less as a primary source and more as a deep current that continues to inform how I listen, notice, and respond.

If Roberts teaches us anything, it is that Love, she uses the word God, is not contained by frameworks. Not even the ones that once served us well. Her writing consistently points beyond concepts, images, and even spiritual language itself, toward a reality that must be lived rather than explained.

Pivot and Fidelity

The word that has been quietly guiding me through this transition is fidelity. By fidelity, I do not mean loyalty to a system, teacher, or method. I mean fidelity as staying in touch with an inner alignment, an ongoing responsiveness to what feels true, alive, and asked-for now.

Alignment, as I am learning again and again, is not repetition. It is not doing the same thing because it once felt right. It is a living, breathing balancing act that requires attention, humility, and a willingness to adjust when something begins to shift. The natural example is that of riding a bike, which requires constant re-balancing to stay afloat.

In this sense, pivoting does not feel like departure, but fidelity. Fidelity to the journey, to lived experience, and to what continues to emerge when I pay attention.

Presence as Lived Reality

What has been asking for more room in my writing and in my life is presence as something lived and embodied, not merely reflected upon. Presence as what happens when I am no longer trying to understand myself into transformation, but allowing myself to be met where I actually am.

This is where the Enneagram has quietly moved from being a descriptive framework into something more experiential for me. Less about naming patterns and more about noticing them as they arise. And they arise in all the most ordinary ways, in the body, in relationships, in moments of discomfort or defensiveness.

For example, when I encounter another person who feels challenging, my familiar patterns are quick to respond. As a Nine, that response has often included numbing out, going along, or subtly disappearing. But something different can happen when presence is allowed to do its work. Instead of relying on old reactivity, a new kind of engagement becomes possible, one that is alert, embodied, and honest, even when it feels uncomfortable.

In those moments, I find myself more available to the other person. Not from a hidden or false place inside myself, but from a grounded awareness of what is actually happening. This feels less like self-improvement and more like participation in something alive and relational.

The Journey Continues

So this feels like a threshold moment, which is to leave Roberts and move into something new. Before the threshold there is gratitude, stepping into or during is marked by curiosity and trust, and the after remains open, undefined, and quietly compelling.

As I move forward, this space will continue to explore the journey of presence, embodiment, and inner work, often through the lens of the Enneagram, always through lived experience. My hope is not to offer answers, but to stay faithful to the questions that arise when we are willing to slow down and notice what is actually happening.

If you find yourself sensing a threshold of your own, something uncertain, unfinished, but quietly alive, you are not alone. Perhaps fidelity, for all of us, looks less like certainty and more like the courage to keep walking, attentive to what meets us along the way.